Watching: The X-Files
Listening To: Creepypasta Compilations on YouTube
Eating: Chicken & Waffles
Drinking: Mountain Dew
Went to karaoke for the first time in awhile tonight -- like, in months. I was going pretty regularly despite the Covid shit up until I think October or so, when I kind of just... started having my anxiety about being Transgender In Public increase massively out of pretty much nowhere and stopped being able to use public bathrooms. And since karaoke usually lasts for several hours, during which I usually have several drinks, I didn't want to go anymore.
Well, I decided I was going to because, honestly, I don't want to let that kind of fear rule my life. I don't want to live constantly avoiding things I love and enjoy because I'm afraid that some cis-sexist prick is going to cause problems because they can't tell what genitals I have and it makes them feel anxious. It was... Mostly okay. Still frustrated that the bar we do karaoke at has decided that karaoke night should be the same night as pool league night (idiotic scheduling, if you ask me) because it meant I had to sit at the bar. I am 5'3, I'm fat with short legs and I have hypermobility -- bar stools and I are not friends. We are not even cordial acquaintances. They hate me and I hate them. And as expected, they made one of my hips sublux. On top of that, there were a lot of people there for pool who kept being in the way of the TV where the lyrics are displayed and I was doing a new song tonight, so that was frustrating.
The bright side is that I tried some really fucking fabulous hard coffee which barely even fucking tasted like alcohol which is always my jam. Only 5% but y'know, not bad at all.
The other bright side is that I actually found out something really nice -- back in like, April or May (?) I was at another bar that was doing karaoke in my area, right about when my voice had really started to stablize re: deepness but I was still like, really really androgynous and I had some fucking dude yell the dreaded "what are you" at me while I was getting a drink. I just... kind of awkwardly said "Uh, a goth?" and I don't remember the rest of the exchanged but I high-tailed it back to the karaoke room because like, I didn't want to deal with this bullshit. Well, turns out the bartender from that night works at the bar I went to tonight and she was talking with my karaoke buddy and it turns out, she'd been fucking pissed that the dude did that and despite him being the manager's son, threatened to throw him out...or threw him out? I couldn't totally make out what she said over the noise. Anyway, I told her I really appreciated her sticking up for me like -- that really does mean a lot. And it made me hella emotional lol. Despite the fact that I honestly believe that most humans are good, I sometimes like, forget that most humans are good. Most humans aren't gonna hurt me or even think twice about me. But hearing someone had y'know, taken that risk to defend a total stranger like that really warms my cold black heart. I also took a bunch more selfies tonighht because I actually got dressed -- which I haven't been doing too much. I think I talked about how Late January to Mid February is usually a pretty difficult time of year for me (lots of bad things have happened during this time of year in the past) in my last entry but yeah. It's always hard to like, get up and get dressed and shit during this time of the year... But I'm putting more of an effort again. Hopefully the last five days of the Bad Times go by without any real issue.
Selfies included because I'm a vain little shit: